Minas Tirith Forums: Letters to the Professor Today

Minas Tirith Forums » The Ivy Bush » Letters to the Professor Today

Author

Topic: Letters to the Professor Today

Thorin
Guard of the Citadel
Citizen # 816

posted

I was slogging through Letters trying to find a quote about pointy elven ears and I got to thinking about all the different kinds of questions that were asked of the Professor. That got me to wonder: if I could ask him questions, and he could answer, what would I ask?

So here’s my idea.

If you could write a letter to J.R.R: Tolkien today, what would you say to him?

Here’s my letter:

quote:
Dear Professor Tolkien,

Thank you so much for this wonderful creation that you have shared with the world. If you don’t mind, I have a couple of questions for you:

Do balrogs have wings? I’m sorry this seems a silly question, but this is actually a big deal with Tolkien scholars now. I have to confess that I am curious.

What do you think of Christopher and Guy Kay’s editing of your work to create the published Silmarillion?

If you could publish a new edition of The Hobbit, what would you change? I understand that you were upset about the geography and the trolls’ names.

What were your final intentions about the origin of Orcs? And how would this effect the chronology of the coming of Men?

Sincerely,
Thorin

PS I liked Father Christmas letters too!

From: Helsinki | Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged |

Thingol of Doriath
Guard of the Citadel
Citizen # 2718

posted

Good idea...

quote:
Dear Professor,

First of all... thanks for enriching my life with your work!

That said, I have some questions I was hoping you could answer:

1. Would you say that Fëanor was evil?

2. What happened to the Entwives? Are there any left in the Third Age? Did you leave some clue to their whereabouts in The Lord of the Rings? Was that an Ent Sam's cousin saw in North Farthing?

3. Who or what is Tom Bombadil? Maia? Vala? Elf? A mistake you regret?

4. Why didn't Celeborn follow Galadriel to Aman? And when did they first come to Middle-earth? Was Celeborn a Telerian Elf of Aman or a Sinda?

5. What really happened to Tuor and Idril? Did they ever make it to Aman?

6. What happened to the Blue Wizards? Details please! You were awfully vague in describing them...

7. What exactly happened to Saruman and Sauron after their "deaths"?

Well... that's about all for now. Any and all answers would be appreciated!

Sincerely, Thingol

PS Would you please rewrite the chapter "The Ruin of Doriath"? Maybe have Thingol survive... have him kick Dwarf-butt?

[ 02-17-2006, 04:42 AM: Message edited by: Thingol of Doriath ]

From: Sverige! | Registered: Oct 2002 | IP: Logged |

Professor Tolkien
Soldier of Gondor
Citizen # 5361

posted

Oh for the love of Eru!

Here I am enjoying my long, well earnt retirement in Valinor when up comes Ëarendil in that bleeding dingy of his and says, ‘Hey Prof, there are some dudes on an internet message board that would like you to answer some questions.’
‘By Durin’s beard!’ I replied ‘can’t they leave me alone for two minutes?’
‘Actually Prof you’ve been here 33 years nearly now,’ says Ëarendil.
‘33 years!’ exclaimed I. ‘Man don’t time fly when one is having fun?’
‘It sure does boss,’ said Ëarendil ‘ I mean I just can’t believe I’ve been flying around the heavens all these eons with that big fat shiny gemstone Fëanor made; maybe it’s time I looked for a land based job again.’
‘Ok then I’ll answer a few questions then Ëarendil. Though why the hell they haven’t found all the answers for themselves by now from the reams of stuff that lad of mine has published is beyond me!’

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So who is first then?
Oh, we have someone with the audacity to go by the name of 'Thorin'; well I hope he has something sensible to ask

Dear Professor Tolkien,

Thank you so much for this wonderful creation that you have shared with the world. If you don’t mind, I have a couple of questions for you:.....Oh go on then!

Do balrogs have wings? I’m sorry this seems a silly question, but this is actually a big deal with Tolkien scholars now. I have to confess that I am curious..... Jeez! How about something original for a change! Some do, some don’t. Now THAT caught you all off guard didn’t it? It’s similar to dragons, some flew and some didn’t, Some Ents looked like oaks and some like beeches, some men were of Numenorian lineage some of Druedain lineage.... getting the picture now?
In an early draft, that Chris hasn’t found yet, I called the Moria balrog Ethelbert. It’s a variation of a name in an Anglo Saxon regional dialect from the mid-southern borders of Wessex that means ‘that which suffers from heartburn’. I thought it would be an amusing internal joke that some of you so-called scholars insist that you find from time to time.

What do you think of Christopher and Guy Kay’s editing of your work to create the published Silmarillion? ..... Well Chris said he was running out of cash so I thought ‘what the hell, what harm can it do?’... Man, was I wrong! Still I quite liked some of the bits he made up; the rest of it (that he made up of course and NOT the bits I actually wrote) are crap! As for young Master Kay, well Chris did need a tea boy as he wadded though the reams of paperwork and apparently Guy brews a most palatable pot of Earl Grey.

If you could publish a new edition of The Hobbit, what would you change? I understand that you were upset about the geography and the trolls’ names..... Seeing as I wrote the book for five year olds what exactly do you suggest I call the trolls? As for the geography, I blame that on Chris; man that boy needs a slap upside the head for all the trouble he’s given me and my creation over the years!

What were your final intentions about the origin of Orcs? And how would this effect the chronology of the coming of Men?..... Actually the chronology of the coming of Men wouldn’t have been affected at all as I had intended to make Orcs a separate, though admittedly wayward, branch of the Children of Eru. A shame I died before I got the idea down on paper!

Sincerely,
Thorin ..... You're mostly welcome

PS I liked Father Christmas letters too!..... Cheers and the pictures are pretty cool as well ain’t they?

[ 02-25-2006, 03:18 AM: Message edited by: Professor Tolkien ]

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
~ The spirit of the real thing or just an oldie having a laugh? ~

From: Oxford, you Ninnyhammer! | Registered: Feb 2006 | IP: Logged |

Professor Tolkien
Soldier of Gondor
Citizen # 5361

posted

And who is next? I need to hurry alone, I have a pressing appointment with Manwë.
Someone who thinks he's an elf I see

Dear Professor,

First of all... thanks for enriching my life with your work! ..... Creep! Flattery won’t win you any favours mister.

That said, I have some questions I was hoping you could answer:

1. Would you say that Fëanor was evil? .....Well he did some pretty naughty things didn’t he, but he did make some nice jewellery and Edith says he should be let off because of it. I don’t know, women and their love of sparkly trinkets!

2. What happened to the Entwives? Are there any left in the Third Age? Did you leave some clue to their whereabouts in The Lord of the Rings? Was that an Ent Sam's cousin saw in North Farthing?..... I ain’t saying. I ain’t saying. Ask Teleporno. I ain’t saying!

3. Who or what is Tom Bombadil? Maia? Vala? Elf? A mistake you regret?..... Master Bombadil is an ‘enigma’ as I wrote somewhere. Jeez you people are so stupid sometimes, can’t you read plain English!

4. Why didn't Celeborn follow Galadriel to Aman? And when did they first come to Middle-earth? Was Celeborn a Telerian Elf of Aman or a Sinda? ..... Oh bloody hell, a relationship question! Don’t you think Celeborn would have been glad to have a break from the women he’d been living with for Eru knows how many millenia! I mean I loved Edith dearly but I still had to escape her every now and again to see my mates down the pub for a jar of ale, a pipe of weed and a little tale telling. As for him being a Teleri or Sinda, well I guess it depends which version of the story you prefer.

5. What really happened to Tuor and Idril? Did they ever make it to Aman?..... If they did I ain’t ever seen them; maybe they are living at the other end of the island that I am.

6. What happened to the Blue Wizards? Details please! You were awfully vague in describing them...... Of course I was ‘vague’ in describing them; that’s because I never expanded upon their characters other than their names and where they went. Some people are just never satisfied are they?

7. What exactly happened to Saruman and Sauron after their "deaths"?..... Duh! They left Middle-earth forever. Do I really have to point out the obvious to you bumpkins?

Well... that's about all for now. Any and all answers would be appreciated!

Sincerely, Thingol

PS Would you please rewrite the chapter "The Ruin of Doriath"? Maybe have Thingol survive... have him kick Dwarf-butt? ..... No I won’t! If you will choose the screen name of a snivelling wimp that hid behind his wife’s skirt don’t expect any sympathy from me!

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
~ The spirit of the real thing or just an oldie having a laugh? ~

From: Oxford, you Ninnyhammer! | Registered: Feb 2006 | IP: Logged |